Dating Badge System
In the crowded Friday happy hour you notice someone on your right coyly glancing at you, smiling, trying to catch your eye. You find this person attractive so you smile back and try out a wink to see if it works. It does, and suddenly you are being approached. Excellent, your night is about to get much more interesting. You meet and discuss nothing for while, then decide that perhaps it would be best if the two of you were to meet at a different time, alone. Congratulations, you’ve just made a date!
In the excitement of meeting someone new (which often seems to be as much anxiety as arousal) we sometimes overlook the other person’s intent toward us. The other person is not misrepresenting his- or herself, he or she simply may have different relationship needs at the time of your meeting. However, sometimes these needs are held too closely to be seen at first glance.
Usually, after a few dates, the truth is visible. Conversation has revealed your date to have recently broken up with someone quite serious, and he or she is merely looking for someone to hang out with and hold hands at movies. You, contrarily, are actually looking for someone with whom to settle down. It doesn’t mean that the two of you cannot establish a life-long friendship, or that a real relationship is not possible down the road, but at this time you are not compatible. You are both good people and just trying to do the right thing for yourselves while being respectful to the other person.
So what would have happened on Friday if you had winked at the person on your left instead of your right? That person was equally charming and was also trying to catch your eye. What if that person was looking to settle down as well? What if now you’ll never see that person again and that was “the one?”
It would be wonderful if we were able to see where a prospective date is in his or her relationship cycle. It would be wonderful to know if the two of you have the correct relationship timing to date. When things don’t work out in a relationship it can be quite painful. It would be wonderful to avoid that pain at the beginning.
The Date Engineering Department here at Bitch Kitty Racing is here to help us all. Our engineers have noticed that one’s dating needs can often be correlated to the time after one’s last serious relationship; e.g. a person freshly out of a marriage is probably not looking for a new wife. Common wisdom indicates that it takes a person half the time of the previous relationship to get over it and be emotionally ready for someone new. Our engineers have concluded that the Emotional Readiness to Date following a breakup can be represented by the following color badges:
Red: “I am an emotional disaster area. I’m quite probably drunk and may break into tears at any moment. I only left the house because my friends made me.”
Orange: “I am a danger to myself and others. I’m quite probably very drunk and may break into a tirade at any moment. It is possible to attempt sex with me, but don’t expect me to remember your name.”
Purple: “I am ready to attempt dating. We can date more than once and have sex, but it will not work out. Still, let’s have some fun.”
Blue: “I am ready for a rebound relationship. Let’s get romantic, but I can’t promise you anything.”
Green: “I have had enough time to get over my past relationships. I consider myself healed and am looking for someone to fall in love with.”
Let us assume that the following graph represents Mary. Sadly enough, Mary and Jack broke up after dating for one year. Mary’s Emotional Readiness to Date factor is represented by the color bands through the graph, and the Time After Breakup is on listed on the bottom. Let us assume that Mary does not date anyone else during the six months of her healing. You can see, reading the graph from left to right, that as time passes, Mary heals and becomes more ready to date seriously again. This is what our engineers call a Perfect Breakup Curve.
Jack, however, does not allow the full six months to pass before he begins dating again. His is what the engineers call a “Normal” Breakup Curve, “normal” of course being a relative term but nonetheless representing one person’s emotional state during the healing process. Let us inspect Jack’s graph, then interpret the events represented by the numbered points.
- Jack and Mary break up. This begins his process of getting over Mary. Let us call this the Mary Healing Curve. It is easily visible as the overall trend of the curve to descend as it travels to the right.
- Jack begins dating Elise. Notice that Jack is still healing after his breakup with Mary, and his new infatuation cannot help him to heal faster.
- Elise and Jack break up after dating for one month. This shoots Jack’s Emotional Readiness to Date factor back up into the red.
- Given the short duration of his relationship with Elise, Jack recovers after two weeks (half the time of his relationship). However, he still cannot descend past the Mary Healing Curve.
- Jack begins dating Portia.
- After two months, Jack and Portia break up, once again sending Jack into the stratosphere of emotional unreadiness to date.
- After one month, Jack is over Portia and again reaches the Mary Healing Curve. However, at this point he is ready to seriously date someone again.
Again, this graph only represents Jack. However, it does illustrate the healing process and how other relationships influence it: Jack cannot get over Mary any faster by dating new people. In the case represented, dating seems harmless enough. However, Jack could easily have girlfriend after girlfriend and remain in the orange if he doesn’t allow enough time to pass between them. While he will get over Mary eventually, he will nonetheless vary between an emotional nightmare and a danger to himself and others. Our poor Jack will not be a happy guy.
It could also happen that Jack and Mary get back together for a brief period, then break up again. Our engineers have not been able to speculate on such a graph, as chaos theory does not lend itself to visual interpretation.
With the advent of the Bitch Kitty Racing Dating Badge System, singles will be able to spot those who would be best for their dating needs. As responsible adults, we neither want to inflict our emotional unreadiness on others nor have other’s inflicted on ourselves. Now we can all check the Perfect Breakup Curve against the time since the breakup of our last serious relationship and don the appropriately colored badge. While out on the town, we search for others with the same color badge as us.
Instant dating gratification! No more psychos! No more missed opportunities!
Huzzah! The dawn of a new age of mutual understanding is here!
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